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Student Help: How To Deal With Lack Of Confidence And Communication Skills

October 17, 2019

Psychology says the ability to successfully communicate and interact with people is key to everything one might want. This might be true for most of the cases. Sooner or later we all face this fact and have no chance to deny it. For example, when you come to some municipal bureau stressed, in the middle of a hard day, to get some documents and the person to make them there is quite grumpy for the reason you have no idea about. They make you wait, even though it is a known fact that what you need is about to take just two minutes of mechanical work. You sit there and wait, then another smiley, radiant person comes with the same issue and gets it done in 30 seconds, whereas your question will be solved an hour later. Sounds familiar, right? Then you spend the entire day wondering what kind of magic this other person might have used. Even though it can be called magic looking at what it can do, it is quite easy to learn it. 

Try to think of HOW you speak

Take one more look at that situation at the beginning: there are two people with the same problem and different results. What, probably, is different there is the way the two of you were trying to get what you needed? The thing here is that we always give a thought of what should we say to one person or the other and rarely pay attention to HOW we do it. However, sometimes, this can be the most important thing. 

This «HOW you speak formula» involves many factors, that are usually called communication skills. Some people have it naturally, others don`t and often get into trouble because of that. It is very individual and it is normal, there is no need to get depressed about that. We all have different characters and types of temperaments, which affects how we interact with the whole world. Nevertheless, if you feel like you need to work on that, it is already the big step towards becoming the nicest person in the world everyone would love to spend time with. What you can do next is to check out our list of things that will make your communication skills just marvelous.

Self-image. The way you look. 

Even though we are talking about communication, it is also important to pay attention to how you look. This does not mean you need to spend a fortune dressing up according to the latest fashion trends. 

  • Analyze yourself

Come to the mirror. Take a look at your face, what expression does it have, how do you stand, how do you look, where are your hands, legs, feet? It may sound weird, yet these things are vital as we often make the first impression on the people even before we start talking. 

  • Example

Imagine that you are at the party, two people catch your eye. The first one is standing straight, shoulders are put slightly back, eyes are sparkling, the entire body is relaxed, this person is smiling, many people are gathering around and trying to talk to him or her. The other person has his or her eyes glued to the floor, arms crossed around the chest. Which person would you want to come to and start a conversation? It is pretty likely, that most of us will choose the first one unless we would like to ask the second one whether anything is wrong. 

This does not mean that we are selfish or something, it is natural. The second person demonstrates a depressed mood, his or her body language tells us about insecurity, lack of self-confidence and self-respect, depressed mood. The first person is sending the message to our sub-conscience: «Hey, come here! Let`s hang out together and make fun! I am doing great! Life is amazing!» — which is pure positivity, just something we all are subconsciously looking for. 

  • The strategy of success 

For this reason, never underestimate the way you look. If are not used to track this issue, try to remind it to yourself from time to time that you need to stand straight, try not to keep your hands and legs crossed, keep your eyes opened to the world instead of always looking down, remember that the eye contact is one of the keys to building this lovely giving receiving kind of communication with anyone, and, most importantly do not forget to smile to people, as it is the most powerful weapon and the most beautiful accessory that never goes out of fashion. 

NOT to PRETEND, but to change the way of thinking.

Please, don’t think that our point is to convince you that to improve the communication skills you need to put on the mask and to pretend for the rest of your life. This is not going to work as we are not all good actors and people really can feel the falseness. 

What we strongly recommend you to do to improve communications is to fight the psychological factors that used to hold you back and did not allow you to build good and reliable interactions with people.

First things first, the most common problem we all have in one way or another is a lack of confidence, which is a consequence of the lacking self-esteem. This may sound like a huge thing, yet it is not that hard to deal with. All you need is motivation and faith in yourself. 

Try to close your eyes and listen to yourself. Ask yourself, what is it that makes you feel insecure and not worthy of respect? You most certainly have already heard that defining the problem is the hardest part of solving it. In most of the cases, people, especially the people of young age, are struggling with confidence because of their few achievements. 

Ways to fight the problem

We often ask ourselves: «How can I look the people in the eye if I have nothing to offer them so far? What is there so unique and exclusive about me for the people to be interested in my company, my thoughts, and ideas?». However, every single person in the world with absolutely no exception is unique and exclusive. What you might think is ordinary about you can be taken as something magnificent by others. 

Just stop this inner critic mechanism and try to think of something to make you feel better. If there is something that you were thinking of starting, but maybe we’re not sure whether you can handle it or not — stop thinking, just try. If the first attempt was not good, try again, «…fail again, fail better» and do not forget that if we can dream something means we can do it. 

It may be helpful to start practice yoga. As you know, yoga works great not only for improving our physical condition but also to help us hear ourselves, calm down, find the harmony in ourselves, feel the moment and understand what our true wishes are. It can be not classical yoga, but a simple meditation. All you need it to find 5 – 10 minutes a day to get comfortably seated with no one and nothing distracting you, to close your eyes and repeat to yourself: «I feel myself powerful and full of energy,… my positive attitude is the key to achieving the new goals, finding new solutions,… great creations can begin with my boost…»

Make Yourself, You Can Do It! 

Having good communication skills is surely vital, yet it is a lot more important to concentrate on the issues that don`t let you do well with people. As communication issues are often only the tip of the iceberg, whereas the real problem is inside your head. Stop criticizing yourself, try to figure out where does this lack of confidence come from and fix it. If you feel insecure about your body — join the gym, if you are afraid of someone thinking you are not smart enough — go to the library. There is absolutely nothing you cannot do. Everything is possible, even the impossible.

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